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The current year represents a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” entered the mainstream. At the time, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more perplexing – an commonly pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to navigate love, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal habits suggesting a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your choice to pursue a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately shut down any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {