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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered several obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been constantly caught off guard by others. Her husband left her, which came as a massive blow. Many of her social circle vanished then, since they had been focused solely on her husband. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention in our friendship, likely understood more clearly the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Throughout this period, quite a few close to her have disappeared leaving her knowing the cause. Her previous job became hostile, despite the fact that she was highly competent, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we have each retired and are seeing frequent meetups, yet I realize my position in the relationship is to listen. I introduce topics of conversation only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses firm beliefs. I attempt to recommend factchecking or other angles.

She is organizing a vacation to a country I've visited on several occasions and lived in previously. I tried to offer insights, yet it was unappreciated. She really just desired validation of her decisions. I've just ended a month in that country she is eager to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate in this role who abandons suddenly without explanation, yet I doubt she can grasp the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Right now, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

You could walk away, yet this is rarely the easy answer we hope for. But confrontation aiming for a solution requires bravery and willingness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially involves describing how things go when you talk. This needs to be based on facts and essentially exactly what occurs. The second is to express her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument on this point. What you feel are valid, after all. Step three involves requesting how the two of you will alter the dynamics between you."

Remember your friend holds perspectives, so you need to stay open to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

This can be effective for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

She could ignore your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a story of their life they won't abandon as it feels essential is tied to it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult because there's no thoroughfare here, mere obstacles. However, she might initially present this way and then think about what you've said. And should you don't achieve a resolution, you'll have peace knowing you were open and direct.